No,this was not the morning I was going to let my husband kill me.

I could not stop crying. Tears turned to sobs and I was wailing like an animal. My legs gave way but I had no strength to pull a chair closer and was afraid to sit down with my back turned towards him. I was clinging with all the strength I could muster to the table and when I could hold no longer I collapsed onto the floor shaking uncontrollably. He stood over me staring incomprehensibly,the look I had seen so many times before and was going to see many more times again. I am sorry,I am so sorry,I am so sorry,he kept repeating. Did I hurt you? I am so sorry. But it is YOUR fault,you shouldn't make me angry. Promise you will not make me angry again,promise you will not turn your back on me again. I promise I will not turn my back on you again, I said. Because I know the next time the knife you are holding in your hand you will stick in my back. And I will never give you the opportunity to do so, never,I continued silently. No,this was not the morning I was going to let my husband kill me. This was the morning the long lonely fight for my life has begun.