I return home

greeted by deafening silence. I walk from room to room and notice every flaw, every stain,every tear. Doors hanging forlornly off the hinges.Drawers that wouldn't shut.Bed-side lamps missing their once so proudly sitting hats. Mentally I begin to make notes - the broken wardrobes chest of drawers and bed-side tables must be thrown out and replacements ordered,the doors re-fitted, new handles put on.New mattress and lamp-shades,carpet to be cleaned.Beautiful heavy deep red velvet curtains have had so many cups of tea thrown at them,would there be time to have them professionally cleaned? Everything large-blankets, washable rugs- will go to the big washing machines in the launderette. So much to do. Will I manage it all in a week or two before my husband returns home? But it will all have to wait til tomorrow. Today I am so tired,so very,very tired,I can barely walk. I make a cheese sandwich and a cup of tea, turn off the bell, the telephone,close the curtains and settle in bed. I woke up just after 2 in the morning. The flat eerily quiet. Olly! I jumped and ran into his bedroom Empty. He was not in the siting room either. And then I remembered. I lay down on the side of his bed staring out of the window. Staring for two hours, or was it three. Then the night gave way to the day. I made a cup of coffee and started to clean. His bedroom was a priority. At 9 I went looking for furniture. When I returned shortly after lunch having found and ordered what I wanted, there was a message to urgently ring the hospital. I did. Your husband has been screaming since he came here, lashing out at everybody and the door has been ripped off the hinges.He is shouting I want my wife,I want my wife. Can you please come now. You are a hospital. You have doctors, you have nurses,social workers, cleaners, cooks, porters.You have every medication possible at your disposal and you cannot handle one man. I have had to do by myself for years what twenty of you cannot do for a day. I will come when I can, I said,but I will not come now. There was silence,then the voice said - all right, come when you can,even if it is outside visiting hours. And I did go, the following day.